Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
