Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
