So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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