I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
