I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
