she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am one with the molecules
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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