If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
