THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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