Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize