I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
