is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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