Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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