I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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