You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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