I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
