Are we in a gay sports bar?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
