i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
