i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
