dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
