just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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