Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
