I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
