Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize