i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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