oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
