i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
