I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He better not be in your backpack
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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