I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
