well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
no you cant smoke seaweed
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
