Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
