I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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