I heard we made out
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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