this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
