First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We left the knife in your bed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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