you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
