So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
