making cat noises will not fix the situation.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
