woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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