I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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