Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
