guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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