never play flip cup with pint glasses
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize