Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
