I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
