PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
