OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
