so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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