the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
