That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
