He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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