yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
