So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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