I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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