my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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