So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
