I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
