Need sex. Gaining weight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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