At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
