Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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