I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
im on a boat
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