Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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