I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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