I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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