i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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