Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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