Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
