i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
