Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
