do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize