How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
