y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
