I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
