the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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