I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
